This is one of those moments when you slap your forehead and mutter “Oh, my god.”
I’m stuttering and stammering here, because what I just discovered about Tom Brady has me sitting here, listening to Beethoven Sonata in F Minor, in shocked amazement.
Gisele Bundchen, his lovely wife, practices witchcraft. Yes, she is a witch. She says so herself. That’s her quote in the title of this article. She even builds little witch-spell altars in front of her seat at the games.
I swear I am being honest with you.
Tom Brady Practices WITCHCRAFT With His Wife
Tom Brady is full-on obedient to her, and she tells him what he has to do in order to win games. No shit, I am telling you the truth.
Brady said Bundchen “always makes a little altar for me at the game because she just wills it so much,” complete with pictures of his children.
“And I have these little special stones and healing stones and protection stones and she has me wear a necklace and take these drops she makes, I say all these mantras,” Brady said. “And I stopped questioning her a long time ago. I just shut up and listen.”
Brady said at first he thought “this is kind of crazy,” but it worked.
“About four years ago we were playing the Seahawks and she said ‘you better listen to me, this is your year, but this is all the things you’re going to have to do to win,’ and I did all those things and by God, you know, it worked,” Brady said.
Bundchen also predicted that 2015 would not be Brady’s year, he remembered, and sure enough that season for the Patriots ended disappointingly in the AFC Championship game.
But early this year, Brady asked if he had a chance to win it all and he got the answer he was seeking.
“She said, ‘yeah, but you’re going to have to do a lot of work and you’re really going to have to listen to me. So man, I listen to her,” Brady said.
Bundchen was right, of course. Again.
“She said you’re lucky you married a witch – I’m just a good witch,” Brady said.
This will open the demonic floodgates as impressionable kids and athletes turn to witchcraft to help them “win”. Tom Brady is blowing his entire life here. Satan will devour him, his wife and his kids when he has finished using Brady’s extremely hard-won reputation as a player and a person. Catastrophic mistake. Divorce that witch, grab your kids and run, Tom Brady.
But what should Brady expect? He met his wife through the ever degenerate Ellen Degeneres. Yep, no kidding.